What if something bad happens?

When my husband and I got engaged and started wedding planning, I was excited and terrified.

I felt like life had been going pretty well, but this was the icing on the cake. I was getting married. I remember thinking there had to be a catch. Disaster must be lurking around the corner.

Being at the height of the pandemic only made things worse. So, leading up to our wedding, I imagined hospitalisations, car wrecks, plane crashes, illnesses. Anything. Everything. 

Why? Because I’m my most vulnerable when I’m happiest. When life is going great, I feel like it’s a setup.

I was convinced I was the only person who thought like this…then I started doing some reading and research…

I was surprised to find out many people (especially parents) are guilty of this. It’s called ‘foreboding joy’ – which happens when our minds interrupt moments of joy by having thoughts of “but what if something bad happens?”

And according to research, a lot of us are doing it…

Why does being happy makes us vulnerable?

In the best moments of life, we can get scared that the very things we’re happy about might get taken away from us.

In the book Daring Greatly, Brené Brown writes about how if you are a parent, it’s likely that you stood over your child while they were sleeping, and thought, “I love you so much” and then in that split second, pictured something scary happening to them, thinking “What if something happens to you?” 

Our minds imagine these negative situations to avoid being caught off guard. We don’t want to be blindsided by hurt or pain, so instead of enjoying what we have, we prepare for the worst. We live life trying to control outcomes. That way, if the worst happens, we (think) we’ll be prepared. Having spoken with close friends and family who’ve experienced tragedy, they all said the same thing: nothing can prepare you. Worrying about things you can’t control only steals from the joy of today. The bible even tells us in Matthew 6:34 “…do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” 

So how can we steal our joy back?

I believe the antidote to foreboding joy is reminding ourselves that God is in control.

If we truly believe God is good, then this is great news. A good God is in control. This means you and I don’t have to be. It should allow us to let go of our false sense of control. We don’t have to play out scenarios or imagine devastation to try and prepare for the worst, we can just rest in the fact that God’s got us covered (regardless of what it may look or feel like).

We know that life is filled with highs and lows. Ecclesiastes 3:4 reminds us that there is a season for everything, “a time to laugh and a time to cry…”. So, don’t steal from seasons. Don’t cry when you should be laughing and don’t mourn when you should be dancing. Enjoy the highs of life, remember they’re gifts from God for our good pleasure. And rest assured that when the lows come, God is our ever-present help and comfort.